Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
