Don't make out with my wife yet
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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