Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
