The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
