I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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