What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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