There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
