I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
