I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
