Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
