I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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