I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I wear drunk well.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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