I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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