it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
