Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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