Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
