More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i now understand why vodka
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize