Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
