there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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