don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
