I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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