i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize