i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize