Nicole vs. Life
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't notice because vodka
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
