You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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