Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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