I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
