i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
