I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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