Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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