Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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