I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
