I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
