Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
