can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I could make wine with my vomit
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
