you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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