I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize