Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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