bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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