im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
