Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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