your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
