I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
