Me. At least after what I've been through.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
