Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
