My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
