I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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