The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
