winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
