omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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