thus making me awesome and them whores
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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