there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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