Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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