Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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