Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
