dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is my gift to your gina
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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