Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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