I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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