I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
