How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
