I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
