It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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