i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
