I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i think im in europe. pls send help
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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