either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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