I must be too annoying 4 u.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
