Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize