what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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