There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish you could order shots online.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
