I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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