I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
